So it's been awhile since i've posted anything. Guess that's because it's been awhile since i've had anything worth saying. ...not that i have anything worth saying now either, I just thought it was time to break the silence.
I've finished another semester of law school and I start summer school tonight. Basic income taxation. Sounds like a party eh? I actually think i might like it. It could be a mix of math and sociology (policy) that really suits me? I only have two and a half weeks of work left, which is pretty nice. Don't have a summer job lined up yet, but i should probably get one and it should probably be one in the legal field.
What else has happened since march? Jill's basement flooded in her apartment and got all moldy and stuff. It's taking the landlord awhile to fix it correctly so she's moved in with me for awhile. Its been a little weird at times to have someone else in my space, but for the most part its been nice to not be alone all the time. Over spring break she and I both worked in the backyard planting flowers and fixing up this and that. Got a fountain to hang on the wall and mom bought me a new electric lawnmower. The backyard is paradise-ical. I've been sitting out there in the afternoons, drinking coffee and reading while listening to the fountain and the birds chirping.
I've done a little better job maintaining a work-school-life balance, though sometimes i feel like i'm shortchanging all three. I'm still not sure what to do with my life and what the heck i'm doing in law school, but I figure it'll fall in to place sometime soon. (hopefully before the student loan bills start rolling in).
I spent most of the winter becoming a slug in terms of exercise. I've been doing that for the past few winters, but as I become older it seems like it might be a good idea to be better to my body. I'm not 18 anymore and getting in shape is tougher than it used to be and getting out of shape is easier. Sometimes I try to do things I probably shouldn't do, like run 5 miles on a whim with no training at all, or play soccer after three weeks of inactivity. My muscles, joints, and ligaments are paying the price for my stupidity, and I'm starting to think that I may need to be more intentional about exercise. Though I haven't committed to it yet (I hate commitment), I'm thinking about riding RAIN this year. Its a one day bike ride across the state of Indiana, and if I intend to pull it off without serious injury I'll need to do some serious training.
Well, I haven't much else to say, and I feel like this wasn't much of substance anyway. I really do still have deep thoughts...on the election, on survivor, on legal matters, but I don't feel like writing about them just now. Maybe next time.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Remembering Granny
This is a long post. Feel free to not read it or to only skim it. Its not here for you so much as its here for me to process:
My Granny (dad's mom) passed away a couple weeks ago. As far as death goes, it was one of the "better" kinds. She had lung cancer and Doctor's had been guessing for awhile about how long she might have left. On a Friday, she went into the hospital and found out she was leaking air into her abdomen. It could be cured with surgery, and while some rehab and other associated inconveniences would result, she'd get to live longer. Granny declined. She was tired. She was ready. I don't think any of the family questioned her decision. The good thing about dying in this way was that we all got to spend a couple of days with her. She still had her mind and we all got to visit and say goodbye (or rather, see you later). When she declined surgery, the doctor said she's have 24-72 hours. She hung around for nearly 5 days.
One of the great things about visitation and funerals is the way they bring family and friends together. I got to spend a few days with family I don't normally see and a couple of people came to the funeral home that I hadn't seen in over 10 years. I got to hear some stories about Granny I'd never heard. She'd really lived quite a life. Married, divorced, and remarried in a time when that wasn't normal. She and my grandpa created a family out of strangers and did it so well that it was only very recently that I learned that some of the relatives weren't really related (by blood that is). Granny had traveled, worked on a farm, shot guns, collected things, made things, learned to use computers, lived without indoor plumbing, and was way ahead of the fashion trends. Her choice to die was a choice to engage in yet another adventure...
After crying a few times in the hospital I did pretty well for the next few days. The real mourning didn't come for me until the actual funeral service started. I cried a lot, but then Granny had chosen a great song for her service. It was an older tune and without the lyrics it sounded like something from a disney cartoon. It was peppy and didn't fit the mood at all. Most people in the room were laughing through their tears. I want that at my funeral.
I did fine after the service but the next hard part I wasn't expecting. A few days after the funeral, my Dad took my sister and I to Granny's house to pick out something to have as a memento. Walking into the house was like walking onto sacred ground. There was all here stuff...the house was full of Granny's many collectibles...and yet it was empty. Dad instructed us to look around and pick something out, but my sister and I did the only thing that we could at that time...we sat in the chairs in the living room and cried with each other. For me, this was the first time it felt like Granny was gone.
What do you take to remember someone? A lifetime of possessions and you can pick out one or two that reminds you of her? My sister and I mulled around and looked at her stuff. It was like visiting her. It was hard. When it became apparent that our mission was futile, I settled on a few small, silly things.
I only visited with Granny every once in awhile, so most of my life isn't affected by her passing. I could probably go a few months without ever noticing that she was gone...and yet I'm not sure more than a day has passed since her death that I haven't been aware that she's not here. I miss her. We still had a lot to talk about. She was going to teach me to make pull candy.
My Granny (dad's mom) passed away a couple weeks ago. As far as death goes, it was one of the "better" kinds. She had lung cancer and Doctor's had been guessing for awhile about how long she might have left. On a Friday, she went into the hospital and found out she was leaking air into her abdomen. It could be cured with surgery, and while some rehab and other associated inconveniences would result, she'd get to live longer. Granny declined. She was tired. She was ready. I don't think any of the family questioned her decision. The good thing about dying in this way was that we all got to spend a couple of days with her. She still had her mind and we all got to visit and say goodbye (or rather, see you later). When she declined surgery, the doctor said she's have 24-72 hours. She hung around for nearly 5 days.
One of the great things about visitation and funerals is the way they bring family and friends together. I got to spend a few days with family I don't normally see and a couple of people came to the funeral home that I hadn't seen in over 10 years. I got to hear some stories about Granny I'd never heard. She'd really lived quite a life. Married, divorced, and remarried in a time when that wasn't normal. She and my grandpa created a family out of strangers and did it so well that it was only very recently that I learned that some of the relatives weren't really related (by blood that is). Granny had traveled, worked on a farm, shot guns, collected things, made things, learned to use computers, lived without indoor plumbing, and was way ahead of the fashion trends. Her choice to die was a choice to engage in yet another adventure...
After crying a few times in the hospital I did pretty well for the next few days. The real mourning didn't come for me until the actual funeral service started. I cried a lot, but then Granny had chosen a great song for her service. It was an older tune and without the lyrics it sounded like something from a disney cartoon. It was peppy and didn't fit the mood at all. Most people in the room were laughing through their tears. I want that at my funeral.
I did fine after the service but the next hard part I wasn't expecting. A few days after the funeral, my Dad took my sister and I to Granny's house to pick out something to have as a memento. Walking into the house was like walking onto sacred ground. There was all here stuff...the house was full of Granny's many collectibles...and yet it was empty. Dad instructed us to look around and pick something out, but my sister and I did the only thing that we could at that time...we sat in the chairs in the living room and cried with each other. For me, this was the first time it felt like Granny was gone.
What do you take to remember someone? A lifetime of possessions and you can pick out one or two that reminds you of her? My sister and I mulled around and looked at her stuff. It was like visiting her. It was hard. When it became apparent that our mission was futile, I settled on a few small, silly things.
I only visited with Granny every once in awhile, so most of my life isn't affected by her passing. I could probably go a few months without ever noticing that she was gone...and yet I'm not sure more than a day has passed since her death that I haven't been aware that she's not here. I miss her. We still had a lot to talk about. She was going to teach me to make pull candy.
Monday, February 4, 2008
The season is upon us
The lenten season is almost upon us and I've been reflecting on what lent means to me and what practices should be a part of my lenten journey this year. I can't say that I'm very familiar with theological underpinning of lent. I've never done an independent investigation, i've only listened to what other people have to say on the matter and I've held on to the parts that made sense to me. The most recent thing to stick with me was that lent is a time to, "go into the wilderness," ...whatever that means. At different times of my life, lent has been different things to me;
A time of deprivation and, closely related, a time of discipline. (hmmm, as i typed that, i wondered if "discipline" and "disciple" are related words).
A time of giving up something as an act of empathy and solidarity with those who have no choice but to go without.
A time of giving up a desire, to practice gaining control of my desires.
A time to give up material things to remember that we aren't just physical beings, but spiritual beings as well...and the times when I want something, be it new clothes, chocolate, or a dr. pepper, are times to remember that those things aren't me, they're just things I wear or eat.
A time of taking on a new practice or habit (especially prayer, scripture reading, meditation).
All of these have been important to me at some point. At the same time, there was another thought about lent that has stuck with me. A wise person I know said of lent, "I don't give things up during lent. I feel that our lives are already filled with enough pain and suffering at different times. We already experience times of wilderness and lent, there's no need to set aside an additional 40 days. I believe God wants us to be full of life whenever we can, and to purposely deprive ourselves at this particular time on the calendar is not what God desires." (apologies to this person because I'm sure I didn't get the words right, but that's the general sentiment I took away).
I still haven't settled on what my practice will be this season. At this point I'm leaning toward a combination of things I've done in years past. 1) borrowing from the Muslim tradition, I intend to pray 5 times a day. I don't think there's anything magical about the number 5 or about the times of day that Muslims pray, but last year when I tried this I remember thinking, "gosh, this is a lot of praying." (the Bible says, "pray without ceasing" i think) It made me realize how little I pray on a regular basis, and while it was a chore at first, it began to feel good to check in with God four or five times a day.
My other practice is an anti-materialism thing. A reminder that I am not the things I own. For the next 40 days, I plan on buying nothing but necessities (which pretty much means food). I haven't decided yet how i feel about non-material but non-necessary expenditures (cover charges to a bar, for example).
I'm open to suggestions though. What are your lenten practices?
A time of deprivation and, closely related, a time of discipline. (hmmm, as i typed that, i wondered if "discipline" and "disciple" are related words).
A time of giving up something as an act of empathy and solidarity with those who have no choice but to go without.
A time of giving up a desire, to practice gaining control of my desires.
A time to give up material things to remember that we aren't just physical beings, but spiritual beings as well...and the times when I want something, be it new clothes, chocolate, or a dr. pepper, are times to remember that those things aren't me, they're just things I wear or eat.
A time of taking on a new practice or habit (especially prayer, scripture reading, meditation).
All of these have been important to me at some point. At the same time, there was another thought about lent that has stuck with me. A wise person I know said of lent, "I don't give things up during lent. I feel that our lives are already filled with enough pain and suffering at different times. We already experience times of wilderness and lent, there's no need to set aside an additional 40 days. I believe God wants us to be full of life whenever we can, and to purposely deprive ourselves at this particular time on the calendar is not what God desires." (apologies to this person because I'm sure I didn't get the words right, but that's the general sentiment I took away).
I still haven't settled on what my practice will be this season. At this point I'm leaning toward a combination of things I've done in years past. 1) borrowing from the Muslim tradition, I intend to pray 5 times a day. I don't think there's anything magical about the number 5 or about the times of day that Muslims pray, but last year when I tried this I remember thinking, "gosh, this is a lot of praying." (the Bible says, "pray without ceasing" i think) It made me realize how little I pray on a regular basis, and while it was a chore at first, it began to feel good to check in with God four or five times a day.
My other practice is an anti-materialism thing. A reminder that I am not the things I own. For the next 40 days, I plan on buying nothing but necessities (which pretty much means food). I haven't decided yet how i feel about non-material but non-necessary expenditures (cover charges to a bar, for example).
I'm open to suggestions though. What are your lenten practices?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Catching up
It's been awhile since I've posted anything but I was waiting to have something worth saying. Sad, that one can go a month without having a thought worth sharing, eh? ....and actually, I'm not sure if I've anything profound at this time either, but I figure if I keep waiting for great events or great thoughts to arrive before posting, I may never write. So what have I been doing since December 18th?
Christmas: family, friends and food. good times. There was, once again, a sickening amount of materialism, even in my family which has been trying to cut back on our addiction, but my part of it was definitely lessened. I told my friends and family that i had a rule this year; either no gift, or a re-gift. If anyone wanted to give me something, it should be homemade or something they had lying around that you no longer want or use. Give me an old DVD you've seen a thousand times, maybe a sweatshirt you don't wear, or...you get the picture. Its a tough thing for people to do...after all, how do you show someone you love them without giving them anything? Suprisingly, most of my friends and family played along. A few of us agreed on considering our time spent together as our "gift" to each other. I got a used DVD and I my favorite gift was a necklace my sister gave me that she's had a couple of years.
Vacation: for me, Christmas is also a vacation...I got two full weeks off of work and school this year. I used the time to do some much needed clean up in my house, read some books for fun (I don't get to read many "fun" books while i'm in school), and spent time with people i'd been neglecting
January: Back to the grind. Work and school are in full swing but both are going well. My law classes are Constitutional law, criminal procedure, medical malpractice, property, and lawyering skills. They're all very interesting, though criminal procedure is proving to be morally challenging for me (another post on that later). I just joined an indoor soccer team and we start playing in a week. I've been trying to get in shape but I'm too cheap to pay for a gym membership (why pay for something you can do for free? and let's be honest, i'm not going to the gym when i get finished with my day at 9:00). I think about running outside, but then i realize, it's cold. real cold. and I don't do well with running in the cold. call me a weenie if you want, but it hurts my lungs, and what's the point of working out if it's not at least a little bit fun.
Other tidbits: went ice skating with my friends jenny and liz (and liz's kids). It was fun but i got huge blisters on my feet. the bar i usually dance at on Friday nights closed down. now i have to find something new to do on friday nights (actually, indoor soccer is on friday, so i guess i'm good for the season). I enjoyed a great "game night" with some of my old guy friends a few weeks ago. I miss them and have vowed to spend more of my time with the guys. I planned and hosted my first governor's cup competition at KCD. That probably doesn't mean much to most of you, but trust me, it was a big accomplishment for me.
I suppose that catches you up on what's doing with me. See, I told you i didn't have much worth saying.
Christmas: family, friends and food. good times. There was, once again, a sickening amount of materialism, even in my family which has been trying to cut back on our addiction, but my part of it was definitely lessened. I told my friends and family that i had a rule this year; either no gift, or a re-gift. If anyone wanted to give me something, it should be homemade or something they had lying around that you no longer want or use. Give me an old DVD you've seen a thousand times, maybe a sweatshirt you don't wear, or...you get the picture. Its a tough thing for people to do...after all, how do you show someone you love them without giving them anything? Suprisingly, most of my friends and family played along. A few of us agreed on considering our time spent together as our "gift" to each other. I got a used DVD and I my favorite gift was a necklace my sister gave me that she's had a couple of years.
Vacation: for me, Christmas is also a vacation...I got two full weeks off of work and school this year. I used the time to do some much needed clean up in my house, read some books for fun (I don't get to read many "fun" books while i'm in school), and spent time with people i'd been neglecting
January: Back to the grind. Work and school are in full swing but both are going well. My law classes are Constitutional law, criminal procedure, medical malpractice, property, and lawyering skills. They're all very interesting, though criminal procedure is proving to be morally challenging for me (another post on that later). I just joined an indoor soccer team and we start playing in a week. I've been trying to get in shape but I'm too cheap to pay for a gym membership (why pay for something you can do for free? and let's be honest, i'm not going to the gym when i get finished with my day at 9:00). I think about running outside, but then i realize, it's cold. real cold. and I don't do well with running in the cold. call me a weenie if you want, but it hurts my lungs, and what's the point of working out if it's not at least a little bit fun.
Other tidbits: went ice skating with my friends jenny and liz (and liz's kids). It was fun but i got huge blisters on my feet. the bar i usually dance at on Friday nights closed down. now i have to find something new to do on friday nights (actually, indoor soccer is on friday, so i guess i'm good for the season). I enjoyed a great "game night" with some of my old guy friends a few weeks ago. I miss them and have vowed to spend more of my time with the guys. I planned and hosted my first governor's cup competition at KCD. That probably doesn't mean much to most of you, but trust me, it was a big accomplishment for me.
I suppose that catches you up on what's doing with me. See, I told you i didn't have much worth saying.
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